Our God is Lord of the Hills and Valleys
Blog post written by Crys Bettes, McKinney, TX
This was my third trip to El Salvador serving with His Hands His Feet/Sus Hijos but my first time coming without a member of my family. I want to be transparent in stating that I struggle with anxiety. Knowing that I wouldn’t have a family member to lean on during this trip made for some sleepless nights. I’ve never cared for flying. I don’t like going to unfamiliar places without someone I’m close to and there were a long list of other issues that left me with so much fear. However, even with all of that the call I felt in my spirit to be on this trip was so much stronger, so I stepped out in faith despite my own discomfort. Initially the flight was my main concern. This was my first flight in almost 2 years since the Covid pandemic hit and being claustrophobic and wearing a mask for a prolonged period of time felt scary to me.
The team prayed over my fears at our last team meeting and my husband prayed for me on the day of our departure. God answered big. I was able to make it through the travel process much better than I imagined. I foolishly thought the hard part was over, little did I know that was only the beginning. Upon landing in El Salvador the reality that I had much more fear stirring in my spirit started settling in. The team’s first full day was spent at the beach. It was a beautiful day, yet I sat alone and sad with no one to share with for a large portion of the morning. I desperately missed my husband and my children. That afternoon the team spent time sharing testimonies and getting to know each other’s struggles. We were vulnerable and honest in what we shared with each other. That time was so pivotal in drawing us together as a team! One of my teammates shared that they were also struggling with anxiety about the trip. I could relate and God pressed upon me to share the struggles that I had been dealing with and extend encouragement. I had no quick fix because I was still in the midst of it, yet I knew that God could meet us both in it so I extended the hope and comfort He has provided me over the years. And I would love to say my anxiety stopped there but I’d be lying.
Day 2 was our building day and as the bus climbed the mountains I was excited to be in such a beautiful place. We were told that it would be about a 200 meter walk from the bus to the actual building site. I was naively optimistic, but as I made my first decent down the steep hill side to our building site, that optimism quickly faded. I felt weak and incapable to be much help. I made the climb as many times as my body could handle to deliver supplies and it was such a struggle each time. The hike up felt soooo hard and endless and the decent down wasn’t much easier. I made 4 round trips yet everything in my spirit wanted to give more and I just couldn’t.
The next morning I woke up with a headache. I felt tired, and shaky. I immediately felt the fear and worry grow. On the ride back to the building site I felt so much anxiety but our morning devotion on the bus was about working for the Lord with the right heart and not out of selfish ambition. One of our team leaders, Mike Ramsey, called us to lay down our fears and that spoke to me. I broke down in tears and was comforted by one of the amazing translators that accompanied us (Abby I love you!). She hugged me and prayed over me both in Spanish and in English. In this act of compassion I felt the Lord close. She didn’t know why I was crying. She just saw her sister in Christ with a heavy heart so she reached out to comfort me in my distress. Shortly after the tears stopped we arrived at the building sight and the first trip down was just as hard as the day before. I was reluctant to ascend this time. Our team had most of the supplies already at the bottom and we had to wait for the beds to arrive before we could decorate and set up the home. I was relieved that traveling up and down the hill wouldn’t be as necessary that day. However, to my dismay, someone asked me go back up and help with something and as much as I dreaded going up that hill, my desire to serve the family, the Lord and die to self was bigger. So I agreed and started making the climb up that steep hill.
After the first few steps I was already winded and exhausted. I looked toward the top and saw how far I was from reaching it and felt defeated. I was angry with myself that this was so hard for me. I looked down and kept going and in that next moment I felt the Lord press upon me to only look toward the very next step that I would need to make. So I kept my head down and only looked to the small step in front of me. With each step I felt the Lord whisper in my spirit, “You only need the next step. Don’t look ahead and try to see what could be…that’s too big! Only see and then move one step at a time.” I reached the top and didn’t feel defeated, as exhausted or weak. It was easier. And again I felt the Lord draw close and speak to me... “This is how your walk with me should be. You look ahead and feel you need to know and plan out every move anticipating every outcome and scenario. You then worry and doubt and feel defeat because you’re so far from where you think you should be, but I just want you to trust ME. You only need to see the small step in front of you that I’m calling you to walk and trust that I am working out the ending. The whole picture is too big for you, so stop worrying and living in fear as you try to see past where I’m taking you in each moment.” That moment with the Lord was broken up with someone telling me, through a chuckle, that my help was no longer needed and that I could return to the bottom once again. We both laughed, but I knew hat it was God that sent me up that hill to learn a very valuable lesson.
From that point my anxiety was no longer controlling me. It didn’t get to dictate my joy and I felt my spirit come alive! I saw myself step into so much obedience and make connections with the people around me that I wouldn’t have made otherwise. My anxiety was still there but my God’s voice was bigger and I knew he could be trusted more than my fear. He truly is the God of both the hills and the valleys!
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.”
Psalm 46:1-3